We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
