How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize