I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize