He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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