i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
