nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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