Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
