3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
