I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
