If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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