Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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