Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
