I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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