Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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