I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
