Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
