Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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