I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
