the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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