I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
