i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
