"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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