you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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