my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
