Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
