R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
