I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
