i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
