so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sarcasm needs its own font
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize