I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
