If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what day is it and did you see me today?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
