dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
