we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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