ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
