You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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