the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
