Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
