I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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