i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
