Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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