Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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