I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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