So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
