so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Found your dick twin last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
