I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
