this boner is exhausting
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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