Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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