Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You took a bar mat shot.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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