if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
