It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
