So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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