I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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