Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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