When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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