Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
