you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
