What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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