I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Say something about gay babies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize