No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
