4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Less talking, more tequila
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
