Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize