i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The chlamydia really affected his face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
