Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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