i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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