I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
