I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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