Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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