It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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