She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
