I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
