no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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