she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Panties = found
Randomize
